Quick Christmas Update

It’s past midnight and officially Christmas Eve. I should be in bed but oh well.

Christmas is a struggle for me at present. Lots of food, lots of stress and nowhere to escape it’s leading me to binging (and occasionally purging, although less than usual). Which is, in turn, making me even more stressed because I’m terrified I;m not going to fit into my dress. I know I’m dissappointing my mum because she isn’t seeing everything else I’m eating, just the small ‘safe’ foods I’m having instead of proper lunches and teas. I feel horrible about it, but at the same time I’m freaking out. I hope after the day (tomorrow) everything will calm down and I won’t be as stressed. Hopefully I can get through Christmas day without a disaster and hopefully once things are settled I can see my boyfriend more. He’s a calming and settling influence on me and my eating :).

Talking of the boyfriend, today I nearly killed him. We were watching Hollyoaks and Hannah (triggering much?) because my sister wanted it on. After wards I asked why he was glaring at me the whole way though, stupid move. The conversation went:
Me: “Why were you glaring at me?”
Him: “Hannah.”
Me: “You’re glaring at me because Hannah in Hollyoaks has an eating disorder?” (stupid move. stupid, stupid)
Him: “No. Because you have an eating disorder.”
Me: “… *glare*”

I don’t think my sister heard. I really hope to god that she didn’t. I don’t want to find out what might happen if she did.

Katie x

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5 responses to “Quick Christmas Update

  1. Your sister doesn’t know about your ED?
    Wow, how do you keep that secret?

    Anyway, if your sister is young, tell her that he was just joking. Little children believe everything. xD

    Happy Christmas!!
    Have fun ♥
    Vanilla

  2. I am sure that you will make it through the holidays and out the other side ~ I believe that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I wish you had more support from your family but I’m so happy that you can still rely on your boyfriend to be there for you.

    Wishing you a happy (and hopefully stress-free) xmas.

    xoxo

  3. Eh? He was glaring at you because you have an ED? Huh? I don’t get it….
    Anyway, I hope you’re having a great Christmas!!

    p.s. I don’t think your sis will judge you for ED, if she really knew what it is…

  4. Hi, just wanted to wish you a (late) Happy Christmas! I hope it wasn’t too stressful–I know Christmas is always hugely stressful for me with having to worry about food and dealing with family. Sending you good thoughts!

  5. I agree with Sophia, I know your sister will accept you for your eating disorder. It’s not good to keep things bottled in!

    And, yes, your boyfriend is being completely irrational, but I think he’s just stressed.

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