Aftermath

Those freaky looking plants up there are Triffids 😀 Kind of fitting as I’m sat here watching the BBC remake of Day of the Triffids whilst I’m typing. I have to say it’s very good.

Christmas was… Christmas. I managed to not purge and ate more than I was 100% comfortable with so I didn’t restrict, but there was some unfortunate laxative usage. *cringe* Unpleasant to say the least.

Christmas at my Grandma’s is fairly samey year in – year out, although we made some slight changes this year in that my sister and I opened our presents at the same time as the adults (we usually open then first). I’m not going to list everything I got (I feel like a spoilt brat and hate myself because people spend money on me), just mention the main things. My family – the adults – got me a new phone (Samsung F400) and a George Foreman grill for next year when I have my own house. My little sister got me Michael Mackintyre and Jimmy Carr stand up DVDs and my boyfriend got me a caffiene molecule tee shirt and tickets for us both to see A Day To Remember. 😀

It’s strange, my sister loves receiving gifts from people. The more expensive and the more of them the better. I feel like shit if my mum gets me more than a card and a gift voucher. I hate people spending money on me, but I’d be more than happy to spend a fortune on others if I could. Blah. Sorry if I made anyone feel bad mentioning what I received, I can delete that whole paragraph. I just wanted to kind of, give thanks to my family. :\ Does that make sense?

The aftermath of Christmas has been less than pretty. I’ve been attempting to restrict, then unable to sleep and binging in the middle of the night because there’s so much food and I’m scared of it. Somewhere something in my mind says “it’s safer and better to just eat it all now, binge and purge and then it’s gone” and sometimes when I’m lonely and hungry and sad I don’t care to fight it. I know I should, I pretty much always manage to fight the purging (haven’t since before the 25th) but the binging… urgh. It’s making me feel so much worse than usual. Time seems to drag too. I feel like it’s been weeks since I updated, since I came home. It’s been only a few days. I hate it. I’m going crazy cooped up in the house, it’s hard to go out because the road and path are both totally solid ice still. I want to smoke, but being caught smoking or smelling of it by my mum is more trouble than it’s worth.

I need to start revising. I just don’t want to. It stresses me out and I have no way of finding out if my answers are right or wrong with no markscheme and no way of getting my answers to my tutor. Physics I am entirely on my own whether I could be in uni or not.

So much for a happy holiday 😦
Hope everyone else is doing better than I am

Katie x

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3 responses to “Aftermath

  1. Hi!

    Hey, you’re not a spoiled brat! Don’t feel bad about people spending money on you, I’m sure you deserve all the goodies in the world 🙂

    Maybe a bubble bath will help you to relax?

    xo
    Vanilla

  2. Oh, I felt the same way yesterday when I was bought a really thoughtful present. I just can’t square being such a useless individual with other people valuing me enough to buy me nice presents. You are worth so much more than you believe of yourself…you are anything but a spolit brat and what you posted is not offensive in any way. Spoilt brats don’t constantly berate themselves for being ‘spolit’ if that makes any sense!

    Good luck with the revision…perhaps now the stresses of Christmas are out of the way you might be able to see things more clearly and focus?

    Well done for resisting the purging ~ I know it might not seem like much to you but it IS an achievement.

    *hugs*

    xoxo

  3. Hey, you’re just LOVED. That is always a good thing…never turn it into a feeling of guilt!
    Sorry it hasn’t been as good as you wanted it to be…I hope things turn around come New Years!

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