Today will be a good day. This weekend will be a good weekend, even if I have to fight every second of the way to make it like that. Today is mine and my boyfriends one year anniversary of dating *blush*. I know it seems like a silly thing to be making a big fuss of (or at least that’s what my mum tells me) especially when people usually celebrate marriage not dating, but just over a year ago I never thought anyone would ask me out ever. I figured I was too fat and ugly and too messed up to be asked out, hell even up until the point he actually asked me I never thought anyone would really be interested in me in more than a ‘quick bit of entertainment while I look for someone better’ kind of way.
A lot has changed since I met Chris. And I mean a lot. I’ve been to the doctors about my eating disorder, more than once. I made an attempt at starting recovery, relapsed and now I’m trying to start again. I have a referral to MH services and the ED services. I’ve become happier, slightly more confident, I can use trains and buses without freaking out too much, I’ve grown up and I have something to live for. I wouldn’t have ever done any of that without him, definitley not any of the recovery stuff. I’m not hinging my life on one person, even though I guess it seems like it sometimes, but this relationship has done amazing things for me and I can’t ignore that either. Those are just some of the few *points* 🙂
In other news:
Manchester hasn’t emailed me back. There hasn’t even been a group e-mail to all students since I sent mine. It’s Thursday so I guess they aren’t doing anything – they’re very focused on fairtrade fortnight though.
I’m still bleh. Days are up and down but I couldn’t say I was doing well. I really don’t care about myself right now. I haven’t changed my top in too many days. Haven’t washed my hair or shaved in too many days. I’ve been missing lectures, which I never thought I’d do. I just don’t care enough about anything really. I’ve been trying to do work though, currently working on an Organic tutorial sheet for tomorrow and I’ve promised myself I’ll turn up to both afternoon lectures today and shower, wash my hair, shave, the works tonight. And I really hope Chris never reads that because I am so disgusted with myself right now.
Hope no one is reading this over a meal or anything, I’m so sorry if I’ve disgusted you with any of this and I don’t blame you if you stop reading altigether, I’m gross. Okay, off to finish working.