Good Day

Today will be a good day. This weekend will be a good weekend, even if I have to fight every second of the way to make it like that. Today is mine and my boyfriends one year anniversary of dating *blush*. I know it seems like a silly thing to be making a big fuss of (or at least that’s what my mum tells me) especially when people usually celebrate marriage not dating, but just over a year ago I never thought anyone would ask me out ever. I figured I was too fat and ugly and too messed up to be asked out, hell even up until the point he actually asked me I never thought anyone would really be interested in me in more than a ‘quick bit of entertainment while I look for someone better’ kind of way.

A lot has changed since I met Chris. And I mean a lot. I’ve been to the doctors about my eating disorder, more than once. I made an attempt at starting recovery, relapsed and now I’m trying to start again. I have a referral to MH services and the ED services. I’ve become happier, slightly more confident, I can use trains and buses without freaking out too much, I’ve grown up and I have something to live for. I wouldn’t have ever done any of that without him, definitley not any of the recovery stuff. I’m not hinging my life on one person, even though I guess it seems like it sometimes, but this relationship has done amazing things for me and I can’t ignore that either. Those are just some of the few *points* 🙂

In other news:
Manchester hasn’t emailed me back. There hasn’t even been a group e-mail to all students since I sent mine. It’s Thursday so I guess they aren’t doing anything – they’re very focused on fairtrade fortnight though.
I’m still bleh. Days are up and down but I couldn’t say I was doing well. I really don’t care about myself right now. I haven’t changed my top in too many days. Haven’t washed my hair or shaved in too many days. I’ve been missing lectures, which I never thought I’d do. I just don’t care enough about anything really. I’ve been trying to do work though, currently working on an Organic tutorial sheet for tomorrow and I’ve promised myself I’ll turn up to both afternoon lectures today and shower, wash my hair, shave, the works tonight. And I really hope Chris never reads that because I am so disgusted with myself right now.

Hope no one is reading this over a meal or anything, I’m so sorry if I’ve disgusted you with any of this and I don’t blame you if you stop reading altigether, I’m gross. Okay, off to finish working.

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4 responses to “Good Day

  1. That’s not a silly thing to celebrate at all 🙂 I think most couples celebrate anniversaries when they are dating. I know I used to with my ex. You’re not disgusting or gross either, so there. People lose interest in things when they are depressed. I have frequently been through periods in my life where I lived in my bedroom and wore nothing but jeans and hoodies! I’m not even going to comment on the state of my legs either 😛

    I hope you have a really good weekend ❤

  2. Eh? Everyone I know of that’s in a relationship celebrates anniversaries, whether they’re married or not. Heck, some of the people at Uni become totally gushy over their three-week anniversaries 😉 One year is a big milestone, especially when the relationship means so much to you. I don’t know where your Mum got the idea that only wedding anniversaries count!

    Honestly, you don’t disgust me or anyone else ~ it’s all your disordered thoughts destroying your self-esteem again. Not taking time over appearance etc. is a classic symptom of depression. I live in century-old clothes 99% of the time and never shave my legs, so who’s disgusting now 😛 Actually, I’m just lucky that my leg hair is so blonde it’s almost white and so fine that shaving it would only make it grow back thicker and more visible. That’s my excuse anyway.

    Hope things improve for you soon

    *hugs*

    ~Jess~
    xoxoxoox

  3. Congrats on your anniversary! I don’t think it’s weird at all. I’m so glad you have a such a supportive guy–he sounds like he’s really been a help to you in dealing with things.

    Like Jessica said, you are not disgusting and all those things are actually symptoms of depression. I know I’ve had periods where I’ve done exactly the same things.

  4. Hi!!

    I wish I’ll met someone like Chris 🙂

    *This post reminded me that I must shave myself to*
    And no, it’s not disgusting! Especcially compared to my mom who is eating next to me and burping…yuuck.

    xoxo
    Vanilla

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