Fading Away

Which is what I seem to be doing in regards to this place. I keep another diary on another site (which I won’t link to in fear of triggering anyone, while it’s not a pro-site – believe me I wouldn’t go there – neither is it 100% recovery) and with university and my outstanding skills in procrastination (I’m meant to be working on a lab report right now) I don’t seem to have the time to keep up with everything. Which means I won’t be posting here as much at all, not that I post often. I will try and read everyone’s blogs even if I lack commenting skills most of the time. I will come back to update when I can, especially if something good happens.

At present I’m struggling ED wise. Self-esteem is better(ish) and my time seeing the mental health team is coming to an end, I tried to bring up body image regards to fatness and eating struggles again this week but he isn’t equipped to deal with that and I know that really. He told me I wasn’t fully grown yet (probably true) and that it was natural to not like myself. *sighs* Oh well, hopefully the ED team is getting a move on. Apparently they called him to ask for my GP so they could organise a blood test, again the “I need to prove I’m ill” thoughts are back but I’m trying to fight them. Being home isn’t hugely helping, the mess and stress of proper meals and no safe food is triggering me. But I have three weeks here now over Easter so I need to work through it.

That means shopping today for some safe items and hopefully no more b/ps for the rest of the holiday. In good news it’s nearly the end of Lent so I can have chocolate again! Although hopefully I can control myself with it. Plus I need to do some work. Two tutorial sheets and a lab report to do…

❤ Katie

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3 responses to “Fading Away

  1. It sounds like you need to be referred to someone less generic for therapy etc. ~ is this guy an ED specialist, because if not then I think you should push for one. Your problems are serious enough to warrent specialist help and the system owes it to you.

    Good luck with your work and with surviving at home ~ you do have the strength within you to do it, and congrats for getting through another tough semester at Uni! Your perseverance and strength are really admirable 🙂

    ~Jess~

  2. I hope you persist…and that you purge yourself with all the negative thoughts. I definitely had my share of self-loathing and self-depreciation before…now, I can’t say I’m 100% confident…but one thing about recovery is that it gives you a lot more self-love and appreciation as you tackle each negative thoughts, one by one…

    Best of luck, in both your recovery and your work!

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