You guys are right, I have a bad habit of stressing out over things when they don’t really require so much stress. My mum says I need to be more calm like her (apparently I get the stress from my dad then… hey, s’long as I have better staying power than him in relationships we’re all gravy. I don’t want to be the woman with three divorces and several children ><). I think the fact I get stressed so easily and worry so much is a big factor in both my eating and my self-harm. I’ve managed to keep the eating fairly under control at present (no binging!).
Sadly things on the stress front don’t seem to be getting much better right now. I have two days left at work and one department that I contacted aaaages ago have only just got back to me with a huge pile of stuff to do (which probably means I should be working on my lunch break, not blogging) so I might be working after work/leaving stuff for them to do. There’s also a (scary 😛 ) meal out tomorrow at lunch for someone leaving the sam day as me to go on maternity leave! I want to say bye, so I am going, but really I wanted to get a salad & bread roll & freddo (I’ve been craving one!) from Sainsbury’s for my last lunch. I really wanted it to be enjoyable and regardless of how good the food is or how nice the people are I’m going to be too anxious to have a really good time. 😦
And, more worryingly, my Grandad is getting sick again. Worse than ever. My grandparents pretty much raised me, especially after my dad left when I was very young. My mum was a working parent and my grandparents and aunt were two of the biggest factors in my life, I grew up fast because I had to be grown up and look after my little sister. My grandad has always been the strong one. I never once saw him sick, never with more than a cold. He was always in the garden, he loves gardening, or fixing something around the house. He made me a stables for my toy horses for my birthday when I was little. A few years ago he got quite sick, we had to sit next to him at the table because he’d just start to faint and we had to catch him. He went to the doctors and was prescribed some pills and he was much better. My mum helped my grandparents move from Luton to just a few streets away from us so we could look after them. For a few years my grandad was healthy and strong again then recently he’s been up and down. Year before last he was in hospital because of his heart and had a pacemaker fitted. At the time he had blood clots and some of the medication they gave him was to stop his blood clotting. Only when he knocked his leg on something (not anything sharp) it made a huge gash which wouldn’t stop bleeding. I was there at the hospital the second time it opened and literally spurted through the dressing. After they sorted that he was fine. And he has been fine for the last couple of years. Then recently he’s gone downhill all of a sudden. He’s too weak and tired to water his plants, he can just about move from his chair in the front room to the bench in the back garden before he is exhausted and has to sit down for a long time. He’s sick all the time, can’t eat properly, and they keep having to call the doctors for home visits. Mum thinks he might have to go back to hospital. I don’t know why I’m typing all this. I guess I’m just scared. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose my grandad, I don’t know what my mum or family will do. It’ll be even worse if anything happens while I’m at uni. I know people get old, it’s what my boyfriend keeps telling me, but seeing someone so strong go downhill so <i>fast</i> is just… gutwrenching. 😥
On the flipside I’m taking a leaf from Katie’s and now Jessica’s blogs… a positives list!
– I’m leaving work tomorrow! That means I have two weeks of free time to sort my uni stuff out and see my friends and, very importantly, go shopping.
– I’ve been making some super duper tasty oats (and forgetting to photograph them… where oh wehere has my camera gone?!).
– I’ll be seeing the boything this weekend. Whether he likes it or not.
– Loose Lips by Kimya Dawson just came on my iPod. I ❤ this song, it also reminds me it’s been over a week since I watched Juno!
– Wispa Gold is back! I want one… just gotta convince ED.
– I learnt that smoking a cigarette and trying to run at the same time doesn’t work. When going for stress relief choose one or the other, not both at the same time. Preferably choose running.
– Doctors tomorrow! I am nervous but hopefully I get to change to a different one, rather than Micrgynon 30 (fingers crossed for yasmin). Though I should have started my pill again this morning… ¬.¬ oh well.
– Three words: drunken friday nights. 😉
Oooh there’s an awesome post on Burp and Slurp right now all about pet peeves. Which got me thinking about *my* pet peeves/things that irritate me and while I couldn’t think of many at the time I’ve actually realised I have loads. I feel terrible. Seriously, here’s a list (guess which may be slightly ED influenced):
– People who leave half cigarettes on the floor. It’s a waste!
– When people only eat half of a meal (even though I do this myself? Double standards!)
– Messing up there/their/they’re or your/you’re without good reason!
– Spelling mistakes/typos/wrong words in official or printed works. Like text books and official notices!
– Text speak/tYpInG lYk DiS or Capitalising Every Word You Type. It makes my brain bleed okay?
– When people I don’t know lecture me about how terrible my stretched ears are and ‘don’t you know you’ll have big holes in your ears when you’re old?!’. Believe me, if my biggest problem when I’m old is my ears I’ve done bloody brilliantly in life!
– People who pretend to be someone they’re not/pretend to be my friend when they aren’t.
– Tasteless jokes. My boyfriend tells them, he usually gets slapped!
– (more something that makes me stressed/anxious than a pet peeve) people asking stupid questions about my routine/food or messing up said routine/food.